I am feeling like a teenager. A smitten making out all night teenager. (Of course instead of leaving to go home to meet his curfew, he just left to meet his friends to watch the game. Hm..)
Yes, I am the same person who once wrote A World Without Romance and I am still with the same guy I wrote that post about. On New Year’s Eve it will be two years since he and I first hit it off. While it took me like an additional 3 months to start calling him my boyfriend, I should have been long before that. What can I say? I’m a chicken. I constantly have doubts about our future, about our compatibility, about the fact that he lives in freakin’ Alaska! But at the same time it all seems to be completely worth it.
This weekend we went camping at Lake Somerville which didn’t turn out to be as awesome as hoped. Definitely not my favorite camping spot. But considering the amazing time we had, I don’t care where we were. We talked the whole time. I brought cards in case we got bored (cause he’s not naturally a talker) but we didn’t even use them! We made s’mores! We slow danced around the campfire! I get all drooly and weak at the knees just thinking about it. At one point I asked him, “Do you really think we can make it even though we’ve got such different viewpoints?” (Clearly, I’m paraphrasing.) And he said, “Yes, of course. I’ve never had any doubts.” (I’m actually not paraphrasing.) I swooned.
He is so secure in our relationship. He believes so wholeheartedly in us. It really makes me open my eyes to how distrustful I am as a person, always keeping a little bit back, always keeping a little distance. He makes me want to be a better person because even if it doesn’t work out in the long run, I know it will be worth it anyways. I won’t be wasting a moment.
This summer I listened to a group of my mother’s high school friends reminisce at their 40th high school reunion and I realized they had no idea where that they would end up where they are today. They had all been married multiple times (clearly something they would not have predicted back when they graduated high school) and experienced tragedy, poverty, incredible happiness and finally incredible personal growth. And so I came up with the theory that you can’t really “know” if someone is the one or the not. Not at my age anyways. Even if you think you “know”, well so do a lot of people who end up in divorce. But you can know if someone is worth the risk. Someone can be worth sticking it out, getting married, trying as long as possible, worth the heartbreak, worth the months apart and the arguments. I think I’ve got someone who’s totally worth it.
Someone who I think is worth risking my heart on. (Try not to throw up from the pure sappiness of this post. My apologies.)
I am very sorry dear friends that I have been absent from blogging for what seems like several weeks now. But I’ve been a very busy girl.
First there was the trip to Alaska. Hurray! It was, in fact, fantastic. There was hiking, boating, drunken adventures and lots of romance. Check out this view from my fella’s porch:
Then there was many reunions! I had two friends come in from college and another from back home. Lots of entertaining to be done.
Also, I’m a hostess with the most-ess. While I have been participating in showing my friend from home a few of the finer parts of Austin (and 6th St. Whoops!) I’ve also been hosting multiple events at my apartment. This week alone I hosted Sunday dinner with our supper club (dinner for 10 no big thang), a clothing swap for ladies at my work, and tomorrow I’m having three folks over for dinner. Ah!
This Social Suzy Homemaker is ready for a break. I was going to take myself out to a movie tonight but it’s not even 9 pm and I’m in a bed. Next to me is a glass of wine and some dark chocolate frozen yogurt. Done and Done.
The only time I ever had a date on Valentine’s day, I was 17 years old. My boyfriend and I had broken up only a few weeks before and I was fairly devastated. But in true let’s pretend like I don’t really care fashion, I was talked into a first date on Vday with Charles. Charles was a sweetheart. He was a year younger, smoked cigarettes and played in a god awful metal band. He had long brown hair that shone in the stage lights as he head banged along to the music. When BFF Katie suggested a double date with her guy that she slept with sometimes, I said why not? Over slices at Burke Street Pizza, we had awkward mildly forced but not entirely unpleasant conversation. Afterwards we ran into folks at the hippest of high school spots, Borders. Here we saw the recent ex-boyfriend with his date. I spent the rest of the night staring creepily and longingly in their direction. Although Charles was a genuinely awesome dude, things obviously did not work out. And this for 8 years was my only Valentine’s Day experience that involved a member of the opposite sex.
This Valentine’s day, someone is actually planning something for me. And he won’t tell me what it is. I’m trying not to get too excited since my fella isn’t exactly the king of romance, but the idea that he’s actually putting thought into it is pretty awesome.
This year, I won’t dress in black. This year I won’t feel wistful. This year I’m probably going to get laid (if I play my cards right). This year I’m going to spend the evening with someone who loves me. I’m a little bit ridiculously excited.
My fella doesn’t believe me when I tell him I’ve never had a boyfriend before. It doesn’t seem natural to him. I have trouble telling people I have a boyfriend, the word is so foreign on my tongue. I call him my fella, my gentlemen caller, my beau. I make a big joke out of it, making a scene of my names for him. And yet when I finally call him my boyfriend, he tells me he’s honored… and means it.
The world of romance is so foreign to me but for the first time I don’t feel jaded. I feel aware of why people do things they obviously shouldn’t when matters of the heart are involved. Holding hands is something I’ve never been privy to before. Waking up every day with someone makes me have a whole new appreciation for the morning. I bought a fan and he put it together for me just because he wanted to make my life easier. I got sick and he brought me NyQuil and movies. He rubbed my back when I couldn’t stop hacking my lungs out. He plans picnics and makes sure to include avocados.
I just want to say thank you to my boyfriend for making me not so afraid of the unknown and of possibilities that involve more than myself. And best of luck on your journey to Alaska and your life there.