Why We Chose to Find out the Sex

We didn’t know Haines was a boy before he was born. I loved the surprise of it all. I loved the anticipation of finding out. I loved avoiding gifts decorated with trucks or tutus. A lot of people told me they needed to know the sex of their babies to prepare. Prepare for what? It’s a baby. It’s only opinions are about milk (now!), diapers (faster, I hate this!), temperature and being held (NEVER put me down fool!). They don’t care about the room decor or if the onesies you choose are considered more feminine or masculine. This soapbox ramble can go on and on but I’ve already shared most of my feelings on this previously.

Despite feeling pretty strongly that not finding out is awesome, this time I wanted to know. I wanted to be able to picture the baby and more easily imagine them as part of our lives. I want it to feel less surreal. Perhaps, it is naive to think knowing the sex will make a difference and yet I found myself asking to know the sex at our ultrasound regardless. I just wanted more information. If there’s anything to know about this peanut, I want it. Toe count? Yes, please. Belly size? Yes, please. Sex? Okay, I want that too.

If I’m totally honest, I also had a moment of… disbelief and maybe even disappointment when Haines was born and turned out to be a boy. Tyler and I had totally convinced ourselves he would be a girl. For no reason whatsoever, we thought we were definitely having a girl. And when he was placed on my chest, I was shocked. My mental state took a while to recover (as did everything else). I was scared to have a boy, that I wouldn’t know how to connect with him. I feel ashamed that I had that reaction, but it is a part of life and a good lesson to learn about getting your mind set on something that you have no control over! I didn’t want to do that again.

Now, I know that if we had had a girl, then we would not have Haines. And Haines is the best thing to ever happen to us, how could I want anything else?  I also feel strongly that sex tells us very little about what a person will be like. It might inform certain things later on, but not their hobbies or passions. Not their personality. Not who they’ll love or how they’ll love. Not the things I can’t wait to know about them.

So this fall, we’ll be adding… a little boy to our family! Yes, I’m bummed my carefully selected girl name will go unused but I’m ready to start brainstorming others! Baby boy, your mom, dad and big brother anxiously await you. We can’t wait to lay eyes on your precious self.

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Tiny tootsies!

To Reveal or Not to Reveal

When you first announce your pregnancy to the world you are bombarded by questions. When is the due date? Did you plan it? (How is this an appropriate question??) Who have you told? Are you going to find out the sex?

I have no idea how it happened but from the very beginning I was completely against finding out the baby’s sex.  Tyler hesitated only briefly before jumping on board. Our family was supportive, for the most part, but they would have much preferred we find out. My sister though was the only one who hated it and let us know!

While a lot of our friends or coworkers, liked the idea of keeping the baby’s sex a surprise most people say, “Oh I could never do that.” They either couldn’t stand the suspense, which I totally understand, or they felt they needed to know to plan for the baby. This I never wrapped my mind around. What do you need to plan? A baby girl and a baby boy need the same things: a car seat, a crib, clothes, diapers, bottles and so forth. Even your nursery’s theme, if you have one, can go a variety of directions. Winnie the Pooh, Disney, travel/adventure, Noah’s Ark- all of these and many more work for any baby. Although if you’re really into monograms, I can see how this would be a problem. I think this is probably a bigger problem in the South than elsewhere. (FYI Haines has the best initials for a monogram. HEB!)

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The best grocery in Texas!

There’s more though that I didn’t expect. Knowing the baby’s sex makes them start to take shape in your mind. They go from this concept, this idea where anything is possible to something real, a person. There’s no more pretending. I liked keeping the possibilities open until the moment of truth, until everything changes, but I can see now how it might be helpful at times for bonding with Haines before he entered the world. Many times when I was pregnant I worried that I didn’t feel a special connection to Haines. It’s strange to remember that now as I can’t imagine Haines not being here, let alone not feeling a connection to him.

When Haines was born and they announced “It’s a boy!” to the room it was a shock, although I’m not sure “It’s a girl!” would have brought a different response. There was a baby in the room where there wasn’t one before. It was the biggest change there could possibly be. There were two people in a family and then there were three.

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On the practical side, because Haines was still an enigma we weren’t tempted to buy him toys or clothes. It wasn’t quite the same for our mothers, but I suppose that’s not surprising. Tyler bought a tiny bat that he said would be a softball or baseball bat for baby B and I bought two newborn outfits for Christmas. Santa wasn’t coming to find any baby Grinch!  Priorities, right?

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For us, it made everything a little more special, the not knowing. We were entering on a journey that we couldn’t start to imagine and keeping all of the mystery intact was something I don’t regret. It’d be hard to do it again but I loved doing it all the same.