Postpartum Life

The weeks after baby’s birth are beautiful and totally brutal. There is the incredible joy of the new arrival. There are so many quiet moments caught up in watching this little life. Watching his little fists swat around in a robotic dance makes me laugh. One day soon he will see his hands and look at them in amazement. Another milestone arrived and on to the next.

At two and a half weeks, he sleeps for a couple hours at a time. Every day or so, he does a four stretch. Sometimes this is at night, sometimes it’s not. His face, completely relaxed, lips smushed in a pout is a heart wrencher but also puts me into a full sprint towards the nearest couch or bed. Total joy and totally tired.

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He eats well, something to be thankful for. I am happy when he is full and peaceful, but I do not wake up gleeful at 4 am when it is time to feed again. I don’t want to change his diaper although I am glad it is wet or dirty. I don’t want to uncover my own warm body to fetch him from his bed and fill him up, but I do. It is a gift for me to get to do so and my gift to him. Once we are cuddled up together and I halt his cries, then I remember the simple joy of our togetherness. Although not when he wakes up again 30 minutes later with an unknown complaint, cries of gas or needed comfort or more hunger.

I find myself considerably more patient with those in my life who wear diapers than those who speak in full sentences. I am almost as easily offended as I am tired. I have eaten so many sweets my teeth feel like they’re rotting.

I spend an unreasonable amount of time on the internet during our endless nursing sessions. The first weeks after birth are a tough time to be on social media so much and yet it is hard to avoid when you are desperately trying to stay awake at all hours of the day and night. I look at photos of friends and strangers adventuring across the world, across town, across their neighborhood. At once I am both jealous and totally content. I would love to be galavanting through another country or exploring a trail or cooking a divinely fancy meal.

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This meal will mostly sound like, “Taco! Haines taco! Haines bite!”

But I would also like to be here, just where I am, watching one baby sleep, knowing the other is also resting and will come home soon to blabber on about his day which I may or may not understand. “Haines paint. Elmo music! Mason (insert something unintelligible).” My home is warm in contrast to this rainy, chilly day. I’m sitting at a table I helped my husband make. In every direction I see photos of our family, art that tells the story of our lives.

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Cousin love

There is also a pile of laundry and a vase of flowers that need to be thrown out. I should have wiped the table before sitting down. There are remnants of Haines’ breakfast sticking my sweater to the wood. My breasts are sore and quite possibly leaking. My clothes don’t fit. I am almost always aware of my stitches and the discomfort that increases when I walk or stand for long periods.

Parenting is complicated. It is being thankful and a bit wistful all at the same time as you move between phases of life: childless to parent, baby to toddler, one child to two. But it is undoubtedly the best thing to happen to me. There’s no place I’d rather be.

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I’ll never let toys take over my house and other lies I told myself. 

There are toys all over my house. I actually strategically place toys in each room of the house. So not only do I do the EXACT OPPOSITE of what I said pre-baby, I do it on purpose.

There are lots of great reasons to not let toys take over your house.

  • It’s not attractive.
  • It’s not welcoming to your adult friends, who you still want to hang out with you but struggle to make time for.
  • There is no child-free area. Nothing feels sacred anymore.

But alas there are toys in Haines’ room, toys in our living room, toys in our guest room (just extra books and a single wooden puzzle), toys upstairs in my office/craft area (I’m still waiting for my creative juices to come back so I can utilize this space), toys in each bathroom and toys in the kitchen.

Yes, it sounds awful. If you do not have children or your child is young enough to have not taken over your house, you might think I’m crazy. But I have shit to do. In every room of my house.

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Our living room is where we hang out and is where there is the most space so that’s where a lot of Haines’ toys are. Eventually I want to get to a place where they be easily hidden, but right now it’s just a goal.

kitchen

In the kitchen we have one lower cabinet that I have let Haines take over. Every time he leaves a toy out in the kitchen, that’s where it goes. I have also moved all his baby bottles there. He likes to throw them all over the floor. It’s not as annoying as it sounds. We’re working on him picking things back up. I’d say it’s a 30% success rate.

bathroom

I originally put these shelves in here for cute things like plants or towels. Ha!

The bathroom is one of the most important places to have toys. Sometimes your bathroom business is not quick. Sometimes you need a few minutes. It’s not as though your 18 month old can just wander around the house safely entertaining himself. No, he has to be in the bathroom with you. He might be satisfied taking your tampons and pads out of the bottom drawer for a few minutes but now you need to wash your hands, brush your teeth and check your hair. Time for a police car that makes siren noises and a book.

 

office

To be totally honest, I only have toys in my office as part of my fantasy where I’m going to do work up there and Haines will entertain himself. This has never once happened. I only work up there during nap time and “work” is really cleaning up the piles of bills and other things I let stack up for weeks at a time. A girl can dream.

So I have toys all over my house.

Sometimes I also feed my child fruit when he refuses to eat the dinner I made him. Berries mostly. Yep, he throws food on the floor and then I give him fruit. Sometimes I cry about it too.

Several times a week he watches Sesame Street or Daniel Tiger, another thing I said I’d never rely on before he was born.

Even though I thought I’d only expose my child to awesome musicians that Tyler and I love, we listen Pandora’s Toddler Radio or Family Folk Songs every single day. In fairness, watching Haines try to do all the gestures to Wheels on the Bus makes my heart explode. Who knew, right?

 

Eeyore’s Birthday

I lived in Asheville, NC for four years surrounded by hippies and musicians and just otherwise crazy folk. Even when I lived in my hometown my friends were the kind of people who were exhibitionists, who were naked, who wanted to be called freak and stand out in the crowd. But I was totally unprepared for this. This is what the website says:

Eeyores Birthday Partyis a fund-raiser to benefit non-profit groups in Austin. Some of these groups will be selling hot and cold food (including vegetarian), soft drinks, juices, spring water, and Texas beer at the event. Look for commemorative Eeyore Birthday Party T-shirts.

  • Please wear a costume. There will be costume contests and other games with prizes for children of all ages.
  • Artists will be doing face painting and temporary tattoos.
  • Musicians playing non-amplified instruments are invited to play.
  • There will be Maypoles for the young and young at heart.
  • Come join us and wish Eeyore a Happy Birthday.

Tell me this doesn’t sound like a family friendly kind of hippie celebration to raise money for those in need. And when you first enter the grounds walking through the food tents all you see are kid friendly costumed vendors selling popsicles, chalupas, lemonade, face painting for little ones, etc. But then you walk a little farther and you see the 10 local beer tents lined up and you start to smell a potent familiar scent waft through the air. A girl walks by only in her bathing suit bottoms, nipples painted as stars. Maybe it’s a fluke cause look there goes a couple on stilts! How fun!

And there’s a game of unicycling flag football!, but as you approach the drum circle you realize this isn’t actually oriented towards children. In fact why are these kids here? Because a man is wearing white lace crotchless panties underneath his pink tutu and word on the street is that his schlong is covered in glitter! This same man also tries to take a picture of my breasts and gives me a kiss on the cheek when I tell him no.

This is another well dressed man… in his 60s. So I wandered over to another drum circle, tucked away in the woods a bit, where I came across this woodland creature.

Look closely, wordpress isn’t letting me crop any of my images. Serves me right for taking pictures with my phone and instead of a camera.

So it all looked very strange and I thought I might try my third drum circle over in the more child friendly area.

First I noticed this. They danced for a while in a strange Tai Chi sort of fashion. Then there was a little of this.

And all I could think was what do these children think about all this?!!!!

I would highly recommend this event for anyone without children who would first get high or take shrooms. It’s mindblowing!