I haven’t blogged in for-fucking-ever. No really, it’s been weeks. This has happened before (hello, new baby!) but normally I’m obsessively thinking about blogging. Every time something happens I think that’s a post! Blog it! That’s still been happening, but…pretty minimally.
I’m not sure where the mental shift began. I just started living in the present which feels pretty positive except I’m not taking the time to reflect on it. That sounds hippie dippy, I’ll admit, but I like taking my time and working out my feelings on life in a blog post to be read by approximately 12-25 people. It’s how I shared my travels through Australia. It’s how I made it through my twenties in Austin and it’s how I make the transition into being a mom.
Being in charge of someone else’s ability to survive on this planet initially felt like quite a shock. Everyone describes it as this burst of uncontrollable love but I definitely approached it with more caution. The weight of Haines’ entire world resting on my shoulders felt, as it should probably, immense. Now, I’ve built up my mom muscles. My shoulders feel stronger, ready to help his world rather than suffer under the weight of it. I know they’ll only get stronger as his needs become more complex. (At least I hope they do.)
Still he’s past the ten month mark and things barely feel normal. Being a parent is just starting to seem routine – making decisions for another person, providing their needs, scheduling my life around them, etc. I still can’t help but think, “There’s more to this?! Oh, dear.” If you’re the parent of a grown child (or I am your grown child) you should rightfully say, “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”
This October has been BUSY. I took Haines camping sans baby daddy which was… difficult. Pro parent camping tip: bring a pack n’ play. Don’t think your baby will sleep soundly on a sleeping pad. That’s a lie you’ll regret telling yourself. It was also hotter and more humid than I was expecting so my patience was thin for all things.
But Tyler and I also went camping sans baby for one night to celebrate our anniversary, which was amazing. My mom drove up for the weekend and watched H while we went out to eat Friday night and then while we camped. We were only gone for about 24 hours but it was so relaxing. Sure we tried to take a boat through low tide in the world’s most shallow waterways and had to drag the boat a long ways but there was also reading on the beach, cocktails in plastic cups and listening to the ocean while we fell asleep. And baby H was safe and sound with his Nana.
Admittedly the next morning I was almost immediately ready to go. It was a struggle to enjoy the sunrise when I wanted to get home so badly. Next month we’re taking another trip sans baby for two nights- hopefully we can enjoy it!
To top the month off we visited one of my very first friends in life in Charlottesville. She hadn’t met Haines and I hadn’t met her newest, Miss Maebh (pronounced Mave). It was so incredible to see actual hills and fall colors and feel crisp, cool air. I love my life in Wilmington but if I could just move our house, jobs and friends to the mountains, I wouldn’t hesitate.
In another news, H is full on walking now. He can also climb stairs (ah!), clap his hands and give kisses. So, it’s been a month.