I went to Target today. I’d like to say I needed some items but honestly, I just wanted to go. I wanted to feel normal. Walking the aisles of Target, child free, is an embarrassingly basic and boring joy but it’s one I was craving. But on the way I listened to the news of the impact on the music industry driving past empty parking lots and shuttered restaurant windows. Inside Target I felt guilty for indulging myself, silly for thinking this trip was a necessary boost, walking past employees in masks and gloves.
At work we’ve been discussing the long term impacts of the pandemic on the way we work, the way we interact with one another. How will corporate office life evolve? Some of the outcomes will be for the better, but it’s still overwhelming to think that this is one of those events, where we’ll never be the same. Whatever generation my children are, this will be one of those markers that defines their childhood.
But those thoughts are bigger than today.
Every day I try to do four things- eat, move, read and write. It’s not much but it’s what really matters to my mental health. Eat food that nourishes me. Move my body, after sitting all day at my desk alone. Read, rather than watch TV, which I do too much of. Write, even it’s just a journal entry or a letter.
I’ve started staying up later because we don’t have to get up as early to get the kids going. Getting up at 6:45 am is pretty luxurious so I often stay up to 11 these days which gives me time to binge TV AND read my book. I’m embarrassed to say on my nightstand tonight is a parenting book, because tantrums are ruling my life, but I also just finished two less embarrassing titles, both of which I would recommend.
Cape Fear Rising Philip Gerard
Disappearing Earth Julia Phillips
I definitely get some movement chasing after the boys every day. Their favorite game right now is to climb on my back and pretend I’m their “mama monkey”. Since they climb me at the same time, this is quite a workout!
But I’m also trying to run a couple times a week, even short distances, as well as practice yoga. I have always been skeptical about doing yoga videos, but I’m now converted. Yoga with Adriene has been a total gift. I recommend her Yoga for Uncertain Times videos.
I’m going to try Dance Church this week to feed my soul with music and move my body. A few evenings a week, I’ve been glad to get my toes tapping along to different artists via Cabin Fever Tunes. Most are country artists connected the Austin music scene if that’s your type of thing.
I’d like to say I’m developing a nice consistent writing habit but my writing is as sporadic as my emotions in this pandemic. Still each day, I’m checking in and seeing what works. Today a blog, tomorrow a letter and so on.
My postpartum depression and anxiety took a toll on the way I eat this past year. When I got stressed out, I’d simply stop eating. If I ate, I would turn towards junk food- ice cream and Cheetos, that sort of thing. Now that I’m on medication and feeling better, I’m trying to ensure I eat all my meals and that I’m focusing on food that has actual nutritional value. The sweet tooth I’ve developed from months of terrible habits isn’t easy to kick, but I’m getting there.
We started a garden this year that appears to actually be growing things. We’ve been able to eat a couple arugula salads thus far so basically we’re doing better than we have the last 4 years!
Today I’m able to check off all my goals. There’s a new book on my bedside table, a blog ready to post, a yoga video kept me moving and I did some living room dancing. Tyler, current resident chef, fixed pizza for dinner.