One of the things I struggle with the most in writing is writing without censoring. I want to be open and discuss my life because I think most of us share common struggles. I find a lot of comfort in knowing that others have faced the same issues, the same concerns. What is better than knowing you are not alone?
But you are not alone. I am not alone. I have a family, friends, work associates who I have no desire to offend. I’ve never shared my blog with my father because he is an extremely private person. I often wonder how he would feel about the way I write about him. And he would want to talk about it. If anyone else is the child of a psychologist you understand what I mean when I say he wants to discuss everything. So obviously I come by it honestly.
This has always been a battle for me- the desire to express myself versus the desire to not offend. In college the desire to express won and I felt very open in my creative writing classes. In recent times, censorship has won. I have only just realized that my need to not offend or embarrass combined with the belief that I am not talented or good enough (more to come on this topic) is the root of why I don’t write. I used to enjoy taking my laptop down to the coffee shop to spend a couple hours people watching and writing what I imagined to be the stories of their lives. It wasn’t anything I shared with anyone but I enjoyed it and I felt connected with myself. And then it just stopped.
So now that I’ve confirmed for the millionth time that I am my own worst enemy (huge surprise) I’m going to have to get over it. Even if it’s a little bit at a time.
Does anyone struggle with self-censorship? How do you combat it?