I’ve already written on today’s topic for NaBloPoMo so if you’d like to read about who I would invite to dinner (living or dead) check Part One and Part Two. If you’d like to read My Experience Planning a Wedding Part Two: Why I’m Glad I Did It And Why It Was Totally Worth It then read on! (If you’re behind, check out My Experience Planning a Wedding Part One: A Message to the Newly Engaged.)
Why I struggled with this process and why being a Bridezilla would have been an advantage:
I am a People Pleaser. I’m using capitalization here for emphasis. That’s how much of a pleaser I am. While people say your wedding is all about you and your partner, that is just not true. When you plan a party you don’t just think about what you would like to be doing. You think about what your guests would enjoy, what time might work best for the largest number of people, what sort of food is a crowd pleaser, etc. No matter what people say, a wedding is just a party centered around a certain event. (If one more person had told me “But this isn’t any party, this is a wedding!” I would have screamed. At least I would have until I had to use the line myself on my other half…)
Quickly conversations turned from we would like to do to what we thought would work best for everyone to what other people thought would work best for everyone/you. This is too many factors for me. When you a capital P People Pleaser you think there is one right answer to please the most people. (Newsflash! There’s not!) I collapsed under phrases like, “You have to be introduced at the reception. It sets the tone of the whole event.” If I had only been a Bridezilla, then none of this would have bothered me in the least. I would have just told everyone I didn’t care about what they thought and went on my merry Bridezilla way.
The morning of the wedding I was still a stress ball. I went on a run and ending up crying twice for absolutely no reason. But when I got back to the house where all my friends were staying with us, we all had breakfast together and the mood was excited and happy. It was suggested that a few of us go canoeing. From that exact moment on, it was the best day ever.
If we hadn’t had a wedding I would have missed out on:
- Seeing friends from all over the world- We had friends come from all over the country and even Canada and Brazil. That’s pretty amazing.
- I’m not a person who grew up with one with social group of friends. My friends are here and there and everywhere. It was such a wonderful experience to have all of these special people in one place. I don’t know if that’s something I’ll ever have again so I’m glad I didn’t miss it.
- One of the most touching moments during the wedding weekend was when I looked around and saw all the help that we were getting. Someone’s stringing lights, someone’s setting up chairs, someone’s cleaning up inside, someone’s preparing a meal for everyone, someone just checked on me. I felt loved and cared for and safe. All my concerns about the center of everyone’s attention went out the window. I understood that we were the reason for being there and people were excited to just be there and celebrate with us whether I was upstairs getting ready or sitting next to them.
Moments that made it completely worth it:
- One of the best parts was spending all afternoon getting my hair, make up and nails down in the one of the bedrooms with my friends and family. It was just like any sleepover I’d ever been to except I looked a lot better at the end. There was music, mimosas and girls that I loved all hanging out.
- Starting our wedding canoeing with five other girls changed my attitude for the day. We sang “wedding themed songs” loudly as we canoed around the park. It was silly and exciting and was just what I needed to take the day less seriously.
- Being at Belle Isle State Park was an experience in itself. Fall had recently arrived and leaves had just started to change. The sunsets each night were some of the most colorful I’d ever seen. Just being at the park was something I’ll always treasure.
- Dancing with friends at the reception was so incredibly fun. I’m afraid I may have seemed drunk to some because I was so happy that I felt like I was on a different world. Music and friends under a beautiful night sky was overwhelming in the best way possible.
- I also got to see my new husband in his element, surrounded by friends he doesn’t get to see often enough. Seeing him play in his band from high school, I could tell him he was on top of the world. That was pretty special.
- On the problems I had with the week is I felt extremely distant from my partner. I never got to see him that week and I felt like we were in two different wedding worlds. It made my nervousness about the wedding way worse. When we exited for the evening beneath sparklers and climbed into our canoe (yes, in my dress) with a bottle of champagne I felt an incredible sense of relief. Finally I got to be with him and enjoy this moment between only us. We got to talk and laugh about the day. We needed that moment to reconnect and feel the depth of why we were there.
So that’s why weddings are both scarring and incredibly wonderful. Hope I didn’t traumatize anyone!