Do you know those little encouraging bits in magazines or whatnot where they tell you to something nice for someone today?
Welcome to 40 hours a week of my life!
Yes, it’s my job. But my job is to be nice. It’s the most important aspect of my job. I am nice. I kiss ass. I am pleasant to the highest degree. All day long I answer phones with “How can I help you today?” and I mean it. It’s what I’m here at this very desk for, to find out how I can help you today. I can’t get off a phone call without saying thank you. My mom called and when she said “I love you! Bye.” I replied with “Thank you!” Have a good day! Say what?
Welcome to the world of the overly polite.
I have a new laugh just for the phone. It’s polite but friendly. It implies genuine enjoyment in the conversation despite the fact it’s physically impossible for any of these people who call to be funny.
“What type of credit card did you want to use today?”
“The one in your wallet/the one with your name on it.”
(Insert genuine sounding laughter)
“That’s hilarious sir. You’re paying for —————- and I’m answering the phone. Like I could even possibly pay for this. Like there’s actually money on my credit card! My roommate buys organic groceries and wants me to share the costs with him! Who is going to pay for that, huh? You!”
Today I explained to a 71 year old man how to copy and paste on his computer and how to send an email.
Next stop: making people understand that just because you’re shouting doesn’t mean I can hear you better…