5. Don’t toss your cigarrettes into the water. That’s disgusting. And littering. Weren’t you there on Earth Day at school?
4. Forget your sunscreen. There is no possible way you will escape severe burn. Don’t fool yourself. Ain’t gonna happen.
3. Wear jean shorts. You know you’re going to be uncomfortable. Why do you continue to do this?
2. Forget food. Sun + Beer + Body of Water = Hunger
1. UNPACK SOMEONE’S COOLER OF BEER!* If there is a cooler, which you are sharing with your float buddies, do not under any circumstances take the beer out and replace it with water and gatorade. We are not interested in hydration!
*Number One could also be called “Do not let your mother near the cooler. Ever.”